Siya Turns One!

Today we celebrate Siya’s first birthday! Today a year ago no pictures were taken of his birth. No Facebook posts were made to announce his arrival. No phone calls or messages to congratulate his birth mommy on the birth of her son. Even we, his family now, were unaware that our son was born. This is entirely different from Nina’s story who’s birth we anticipated and celebrated with all our family and friends.

After his birth Siya was placed at New Beginningz Baby Haven, a special baby-home in Laudium. He stayed there for the first few weeks of his life. Fortunately they take lots of pictures of the babies so we have some from those first few weeks.

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Siya is a friendly and inquisitive little boy with a lovely dry sense of humour. He enjoys joking around to make us laugh. As far as temperament, he is easy-going, loving and very affectionate. Of course he loves food and can’t stand it if we are eating something that he doesn’t have! 😉

His favourite person is definitely Nina, his sister, who lights up his face in awe and adoration.

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Siya has been with us 10 months now. 10 months ago I was nervous about how we will cope with this new baby in our home. How our lives would change because of our decision to go ahead with adopting a baby of another race. But we look back with hearts filled with thankful joy – God has been so good to us as a family! Both Siya and Nina are daily reminders for us of how our Heavenly Father provided for us and how we are also adopted children of God by the work of Jesus Christ.

wpid-img_20140810_125305.jpgHowever, I know that there is another mother remembering her son being born a year ago. I wish I could hug her tight today, and show her what a beautiful and happy boy he has grown up to be. And I wish I could reassure her again that he is being loved and cherished as our own begotten son. As much as we are celebrating his first birthday, this dear woman may be grieving in her loss and all we can do is pray that our Heavenly Father will comfort her and fill her with His peace. 

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Happy birthday dear Siya son! We love you more than words can say and look forward to see you grow up. Our prayer for you is that you will come to know and love God and live a life worthy of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

 

Wednesday Wisdom 27/8/2014

An adoptive family is just as authentic as the biological family next to them. No qualifier, no explanation, no justification necessary.”

Rachel Garlinghouse

A Letter to Her Daughter’s Birth Mom

In this post the writer shares a letter that she has written to her daughter’s birth mom 7 years ago. It really brought me to tears. We were also in the very fortunate positioned to have met and spend some time with both our children’s birth mothers. They will always be part of our family and I love seeing and recognising their features in my children. Both birth mothers are very brave women who I admire for their selfless act of love and the gift they have given us in entrusting their children in our care.

The Letter She Wrote to Her Daughter’s Birth Mother

 

Adopted – A Poem

I came across this beautiful poem about Adoption. I will definitely one day share this with my children when they start to understand and ask questions about their adoption.

Adopted

By Joy Saunders Lundberg

“Oh Mother” the child cried,

Tears flooding precious cheeks.

“They said if you were adopted your mother is not

your real mother.” Then pleading,

“Please tell me the story again.”

Nestled in loving arms,

Secure from the hurt of unknowing friends,

The words fell from trembling lips.

To the hungry little ears.

“Oh, child how I wanted to be your birth mother

I could not.

But I know you were there, somewhere.

We prayed, your daddy and I,

And God guided us to you.

There you were a beautiful baby–my baby.

I held you close and promised to love you.

Teach you, to keep you from harm, from distress.

And here I am-

Your birth mother? No.

Your real mother? Yes.

Wednesday Wisdom 20/8/2014

“Nobody is born into this world a child of the family of God. We are born as children of wrath. The only way we enter into the family of God is by adoption, and that adoption occurs when we are united to God’s only begotten Son by faith. When by faith we are united with Christ, we are then adopted into that family of whom Christ is the firstborn.”

 R.C. Sproul

The Random Moments When Love Happens

This post is real and beautiful. I love her honesty in sharing her emotions.

The random moments when love happens – by Martina Dahlmanns

Martina Dalmas kidsI often remember the moment, when I first held you in my arms: my heart beating a thousand beats a minute, my mind spinning with the many new emotions of this one moment, which would change my life forever; in that first second, when I tried to take you in all at once, searching your tiny, sleeping face for something familiar, that would spark off the firework of love that I had anticipated so many times in the days and weeks waiting for your arrival, in that split second I realised, everything was different from what I had thought it would be.

And as I was forced to drop all my expectations, judgements and assumptions, I started to understand that my love for you – like any force of nature – would make its appearance on its own terms. I could not build or model it on any previous experience and literally had to start from scratch together with you.

The wiser part of me knew without a doubt that it was there and as much a part of me as my breath and my heartbeat – but sitting on that sofa with a whole new life in my arms, not feeling what I had expected to feel, I simply panicked.

The panic did not leave me over the next few days. It got company instead: A strange sadness took hold of me, something primal with no words and no pictures to describe or explain it, just waves and waves of feeling washing over me. Feelings of fear and separation coming from a place and a time, when I had no speech and no understanding.

I don’t know who cried more during these first days we had together, you or I! In the few moments between holding you, feeding you, bathing you and trying to put you to sleep, I walked around in previously familiar rooms like a survivor of my own personal tsunami, feeling disoriented, sifting through the debris trying to identify familiar pieces of myself.

Leah and KalaThen, slowly and almost unnoticeable at first, like a sunrise on a misty winter day, everything changed again, and the first beams of love reached me, totally new and unexpected! I knew then that I could do this, I could begin my journey as your mother, stepping into the unknown and simply trust what you in your wisdom had known all along: that we were both exactly where we were meant to be.

Of course, being my own life long prophet of doom, I managed to slip back a couple of times, and there were – and sometimes still are – moments of deep insecurity when I feel, I am not the mother you deserve.

But mostly I stopped expecting of myself to be and feel a certain way and – for the first time since I can remember – I allowed my feelings to reveal themselves to me, instead of trying to anticipate or control them.

Since then, there is a moment in every day, when I think of you or look at you and my whole being simply dissolves into love. It is the most basic and joyful experience of my life – and I don’t have to do anything in order to earn or deserve it.

What you taught me is that simple: Love can’t be planned or controlled or willed into existence or even anticipated. It just is. And it is in all those random moments that make our life together. It is there, in the perfect curve of your mouth smiling, in the shadow your eyelashes trace on your cheeks, when you are asleep. It spills over in your giggles from the back of my car, when you sing silly songs with your sister and it lives in the corner of your room, where you set up a picnic for your dolls this morning. It is new every day and it teaches me to be curious again.

So from the deepest, wisest part of me, where all that love patiently waited for me to catch up, I thank you for being my child today and teaching me every day how to simply be.

Your Mother

* The post was originally posted on the Cape Town Adoption Support website. You can read it here.

We’re a Very Real Family, Thank You Very Much

Another very relevant post about how “adoptive” families are  also “real” families. When we adopted our first daughter I was initially overwhelmed by feelings of me not being a “real”  mom.  Gratefully I soon realised that being a family does not depend on blood relation but about love and care.

http://www.scarymommy.com/very-real-family/