Wednesday Wisdom 30/07/2014

“A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove… But the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.”

Forest E. Witcraft

Adoption and suffering

This quote does not deal with adoption directly but I believe that in any adoption process suffering is part of the emotions. The biological mom goes through suffering in making this very big decision. The adoptive parents many times have to deal with pregnancy loss, infertility and also the reactions of family and friends when going through this process. Any adoptive child will most likely also go through a time of suffering as he or she needs to come to terms with their history.

“Things put into the furnace properly can be shaped, refined, purified, and even beautified. This is a remarkable view of suffering, that if faced and endured with faith, it can in the end only make us better, stronger, and more filled with greatness and joy.”

Timothy Keller

Moving Beyond Infertility

This short post sums up so much of the emotional complexity when dealing with infertility and making decision to refocus your energy on adoption.

Part of this process is to make peace with the fact that you most probably will never conceive your own biological children. As one sentence in this post says: “You have to mourn the children you will never have in order to heal completely.”  

I was emotionally raw after every round of infertility treatment, and unsure how I will ever be able to come to terms with the fact that I might never conceive, never experience the wonder of having a baby grow in my womb, never look into a child’s face and recognising my own or my husband’s features.

Our journey with the fertility treatments ended not necessarily by our own choice, but we were advised by our specialist that it is probably futile to pursue IVF further. So we were forced to redirect our efforts and focus on adoption.  During this time we read a book “Adopted for Life” by Russell Moore which helped tremendously.

I was  initially worried whether I would have to carry the burden and pain of infertility for the rest of my life, but our Lord was and is faithful! I always tell people that God did a miracle in my heart once we started the adoption process. The moment we decided to move on, I felt as if a dead weight was lifted from my shoulders. I felt free! For the first time in so many years I could see pregnant women and not feel as if I wanted to break down and sob. I could attend friends’s baby showers without feeling resentful and pitying myself. I could start looking at baby clothes in the shops and not despair that I will never experience the joy of buying clothes for my little babies. What a blessing! What a miracle!

Mamma en Siya

It is 5 years now since our last effort to fall pregnant, and my heart is filled with gratefulness and joy! Grateful that I could experience the miracle of adoption. Grateful that I am blessed with two beautiful children. Grateful that I could learn so much from our Heavenly Father about how He adopted us into His family. Grateful that I can be a mommy!  I am filled with joy when I see my husband playing with our kids. I am overwhelmed with joy when my little girl throws her arms around me and tells me: “I love you to bits!!” .

Pappa en Nina

There are definitely still days that I wonder what it would have felt like to experience pregnancy. There are times that I wonder what our biological children would have looked like, or how their personalities would have been. But when these emotions come and linger a little bit longer than I want them to, I choose to rejoice and praise our Lord God and thank Him for this blessing!

Read the post “Are You Done Trying? On mourning, healing and accepting infertility” here.

 

As being born from you

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One of the final official documents concluding the adoption process is a letter from the Department of Social Development, informing you that the adoption has been processed and finalised by the Registrar of Adoption.

One sentence that stands out to me from this document is the following:

“Your adopted child is now seen as being born from you”

What a powerful statement! I can’t help but reflect on this sentence and relate it back to our adoption into God’s family by the work of Jesus Christ.  When we accept Christ by faith we are adopted into God’s family as His sons and daughters. In the very same way an adopted child becomes as much part of a family as a biological child.

In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.”  Ephesians 1:4b-6

That means we are legitimate children of God – sharing in the same privileges, the same love and the same fellowship that Jesus has with His Father! Praise the Lord – for He is the author of adoption!

As John Piper wisely said: “Adoption is greater than the Universe, before the universe, above the universe and most of all it is the purpose of the universe”
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Siya crawling and cuddling!

Today 8 months ago we brought Siya home! He is 10 months old and  crawling at long last! 🙂 He has developed quite a sense of humour over the past few weeks and rewards jokes with big toothless smiles and giggles!

Siya 10 maande

He has also turned into quite a shy baby, especially when faced with strangers. His naughty side has started to show, with him pulling hair and playing with all the stuff he is not supposed to play with… and so far he battles to understand the word “No!”.  😉 He is VERY ticklish, all over. He cannot resist being tickled in his neck and adores his head being scratched. In Afrikaans we say “Hy is ‘n regte Smulpaap” which Google Translate says means a “gourmand”.

We so much enjoy having him with us and love seeing how his personality is developing.

Siya en Nina Julie 2014

 

With every day that go by we can truly say : God’s mercies are new every morning!